Sometimes I have days where I just want to scream. Today is a day like that. I am tried of hearing others tell me how lucky I am that I don’t have children or how lucky I am that I do not have to worry about birth control. Did they ever once think that maybe I want a child? That desire is so strong sometimes that I could just cry.
While I am not done with my college education (will complete my Masters this May) this picture speaks volumes to me.
Recently I went to a baby shower for
my niece….I’m going to be a great Aunt. While I am happy for them the only
thing I could think was why me? Why does my body have to not work like it
should? Why can’t I have a child and do the most basic of things that a woman
can do?
Or then you have those who say well
you can always adopt. While don’t get me wrong adoption is great and a
wonderful, I know that with my husband who is almost 51, most mothers won’t
even go that route of choosing an individual of this are even though I am only
37.
So what am I left with to make me
feel like a woman? Breast? Breast that have chest hair…..umm is that very
womanly? Pretty eyes…….whose beauty is hidden by the male like facial hair that
has to be shaved everyday almost twice a day…..umm still not sounding womanly.
A period that can be really heavy and/or long lasting….that sounds like a woman’s
issue, however, in between cycles never a chance to get pregnant…….hmm makes me
feel like a freak or less than. Today is just one of those days. What is the
root cause of all these issues?.....Effects of having PCOS. Little is known
about just what causes PCOS, however, they do know it plays havoc on our
hormones……since they know that, than why don’t they try to balance our
hormones. I have yet to find research where they do just this, all I do seem to
find research on is how to treat the symptoms.
Symptoms are not root cause. Why don’t they research for a root cause?
Sorry for my rant today, however, I
did say this blog would include things on my life and today is just a hard day.
However, I did find a silver lining today. While reviewing over the stats for
this blog I learned that a number of you from all around the world read my
blog. I cannot help but think this is due to the relatability and research I
put into things. So for this I say thank you to my readers that I have thus
far. If there is every anything you think I should write as a topic, let me
know. If it is something that I have done research on (as I have a folder with
some research I use when I go to the Dr’s office for pcos, and search for new
stuff all the time) I will write on it.
Currently I am working on the
following research:
Hypothyroidism
PCOS
treatment
Weight
loss surgery and insurance issues
IVF
Infertility
Low
Vitamin D
Low
Vitamin B12
Some of these topics may talk long than others for me to complete my research, and some of them may require sub categories. Despite this doing research helps me to stay informed, less stressed, and better able to fight for better health care. All too often doctors treat us like we are a number and not an individual. They see one diagnosis and ignore others and assume that what works for one individual will work for all those who suffer from the same diagnosis. If this was the case, than every individual with PCOS would have the same issues across the board. However, this is not always the case and is why we see some who are obese like myself and Whitney from “My big fat fabulous life,” while others like Kate from “Kate plus eight” who are skinny as a rail.
So I live you with this, I will continue to do research and post my findings as I go, and I also may have days like today where I just need to vent. I hope you all have a blessed day regardless.
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